All abt MOI!!

2009-01-16T05:22:00.000-08:00

Heys. as many of u said "wah finally post!" bleh:p
anyway this week was really busy. everyday i would reach home at abt 9-10 or even later from tuition or trainning. How am i suppose to do my ever piling homework!! my chi teacher gives us an essay everyday n other work to prepare for "O" lvls. SIgh my coach, he's at it again. He goes around telling everybody i have attitute problem n condemns me in my face. He speaks to me as though becos of my atiitude it is unnecessary to talk to me but becos i need to contribute to the team he uses me. he ignores me half the time n looks at me coldly n talks to me coldly. sigh forget abt him. My badminton head teacher... SHE _ _ _ _ _!!!! arg!
sigh... i feel quite empty for not reading my bible for a week. i was so tired having badminton trainning 4 times a week n swimming 2 times a week. i flop to bed at 1 everyday... I sleep during math class...
hmmm my teachers... my el teacher she is super interesting n very nice, so is my ss teacher. my physics n history teacher are good. my math teachers are very very boring. my chi teacher is really strict but nice. my geog teacher is scary! VERY!! hmmm any others? i dunno my friends are pretty much ok except for a grp. yeah.. i dunno wad to say alr. i found out i am not so concerned abt how people view me as much as be4. its really a good thing. but i have to learn to be humble. really. giving credit to the lord in all that i do. i have to learn that. i understand that not everybody will like me n etc so yeah... chilll:)
for people out there reading this...
i wanna tell u something for the year.
dont give up be4 u noe u tried n surrendered to God:D

2008-12-29T06:40:00.001-08:00

ARGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!
wow its not the new year n something else happens.
Yeah!!
someone did not notify me abt any of the meetings n said that she smsed me alot of times. she didnt, well maybe my old hp no. BUT HELLO?! i smsed her so many times with my new no. which was like 7 months old ++. hello? now she blame me that it is my fault. that i didnt tell her my no.? when she actually smsed me n replied me be4? now i am gonna get scolded for not coming. n guess wad even my senior can tell that she doesnt like me. she jokes with the others but talk to me coldly. scold me. other incidents which i am really not in the wrong she still wrongs me n scolds me.
then well somebody else blamed me for something i really did not do or noe abt. he doesnt trust me n why? i didnt do anything! all the times we talked n comforted each other is gone now. he doesnt acknowledge me as a sister anymore. to me its really like a friendship over. at the same time, my mum is shouting at the top of her voice at me. criticises me, scolds me, n etc. she doesnt understand at all abt how i am feeling. now i find out that so many people joined the " " n they all _ _ _ _. i really dunno how much my life is gonna suck next year. i havent even gone back to sch n everything starts again. NO!! i dun want to go through the same things as i did this year!! no i dun want to be betrayed so many times, gossiped by, teased by, despised by, being all by myself... i also lost someone that i have just started to trust... i dun want...
pls God just take me away or something... do something lord... I really wanna believe that u are lord over 2009. nth is going right...

2008-12-28T03:40:00.000-08:00

Some stupid quiz by Ian.

1. The person who tagged you is?

Ian i think

2. Your relationship with that person?

Good friends

3. Your impression of him/her?

hmmm... Gay ( haha jk), nice/funny selections of songs, a good friend

4. The most memorable thing he/she has done for you?

hmmm... i dunno hahaha lots i guess

5. The most memorable thing he/she has said to you?

I bought the pussy cat dolls cd

6. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will?

hahahe he better not haha no la i doubt we will would ever become enemies

7. If he/she becomes your enemy, what will the reason be?

OI! cannot read my ans ah. hahah jk jk i really dunno

8. Whats your overall impression of him/her?

hmmm a boy?

9. How do you think the people around you will feel about you?

hmmm how abt asking them. i dun really noe. i am not perfect u noe

10. The characteristics you love about yourself are?

I am a child of God

11. The characteristics you hate about yourself are?

LOTS!!!! LOTS!! N LOTS!!!

12. The most ideal person you would like to be?

hmmm a social worker/counsellor/lawyer

13. For those people that care for you as a friend, what will you say to them?

Thank you? hahaha yeah

Pass this on to 10 people.

1.Becky

2.Vicky

3.Sarah

4.Shi Ying

5. James

6.Reuben
7.Ian
8. Ruth
9. Joy
10.Elizabeth

Who is number 6 having a relationship with?
erm... sensitive qns. nope

Is number 9 a male or female?
100% female. hahaha

If number 7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?
hahahha that will be funny but maybe...

What is number 2 currently studying about?
hmmm... how to act guai in front of adults but become mischievous infront of her friends
wait. she has already mastered it hahaha

When was the last time you talked with number 3?
Today. I LOVE NO 3

What kind of music does number 5 like?
hmmm erm slow songs, i think country side too bah haha

Does number1 have any siblings?
yeah erm he is irritating, immature etc haha jk jk

Will you woo number 4?
DUH i totally would. she is like my mistress can

How about number 7?
hmmm... i dunno?

Is number 4 single?
she better be if not she die!!!!

What's number 8's surname?
Goh

What's number 10 favourite hobby?
hahha dancing, talking, dressing up etc

Does number 5 and 9 get along well?
good friends

Where is number 2 studying at?
SCGS

Have you ever tried developing feelings for number 6?
erm i dun think so

Where does number 9 live at?
i think somewhere near bukit batok. ok maybe i am wrong but i noe she can take a bus from aljunied

What color does number 4 like?
purple, green actually quite alot other colours

Does number 1 own any pets?
YEAH, a fat hamster!!

2008-12-28T03:22:00.000-08:00

Hey people,

Today was the last Sunday of the year.

When I was co leading, there was a song that just remembered the times of distress and God was really there for me. I really have to thank god for many things…

This year although I had a lot of problems, I have benefitted more. I really thank God for my problems. Hmm should I type out wad went wrong this year?

Ok maybe not but I am really looking forward to 2009, as much as I want to just forget all the problems n hurts I have in 2008 but keeping the lessons I have learned. I really want 2009 to be different. I noe there will still be problems as presently I still have some. Many decision (big ones) but I believe, God will be there to pull me through. So I believe n declare in faith that Jesus is the God of 2009. I will solely depend on him. Well yeah, surrendering all to him is really not an easy task .(something I have also learned). Its not just abt like 50% but its 100% and its certainly difficult to do that. As all humans are imperfect well, we still doubt God, we still question God although he is perfect. His ways are always higher than our ways, n so though problems may occur, trust in the lord with all ur heart and lean NOT ON OUR OWN UNDERSTANDING. Hmmm I have also learned to be more sensitive to my surrounding n not to condemn ourselves of our mistakes. Really, God so loved us that he gave us his begotten son to die on the cross so that we do not condemn ourselves with our sins so yeah dun condemn urself. N I have learned many other things, u may say the hard way but through these problems I also had some “aftereffects”. Truthfully, I have a lot more difficulty trusting in my friends. So I kept quite a lot of things to myself. But now I guess its better, since I had really good friends like shi ying, becky, Reuben, james n etc friends to help me along. Really thank you, ur really did a lot for me even if ur feel ur didn’tJ

Heres a tribute to reuben:

Jor, thank you for all the times, you comforted in me and confided in me. You really helped me a lot n I want to tell you, you have impacted my life greatly. Don’t let others pull u down but really stand up with the lord who gives you strength. I am really saddened by the news that u are leaving but just to let u noe, you are forever part of the lives of SFH. Jor no matter what misunderstandings or wadever I have done wrong to you, pls forgive me as well as others. We/I love you.

Yeah so then now it’s the 2009 resolutions!!! Although I so dun wanna go to sch… SCH HW!!! STRESS

Yeah anw…

1. i shall make an effort to be punctual for ALL appointments

2. i want to give thanks to the lord whether in the good times or the bad n to constantly place my hope in the lord

3. i dun want to judge other people or myself too much becos christ died for me

4. i want to let others noe christ lives in me n let him shine through me to influence n impact others

5. I want to be GOD CONSCIOUS not self conscious

Hmmm when I think of more I will post… hahaha so hmmm yeah I gotta read my papers!! HEE HEEJ

BYE BYE!!

2008-12-10T06:05:00.000-08:00

hELLO
i need to keep my blog alive for some people
hahaha
hmmm abt camp. I AM CAMP SICK!!
My grp name was flintstone. haha the cheer sucked!! LIKE SUPER EMBARRASSING!!
anyway cp was good. i made new friends. A graduate, a monkey and a E guy. They were pretty funny n weird ahhaha jk jk. They are quite nice in a way... Sarah was the smart one. BECK was the xiao one. Matt was really good in the games as usual. SFH was abit seperated... sad... Sec 2 zone was pretty bonded though. super cool la everybody. oh yeah cedric was... hahahahah. nvm.
HMMM... TODAY WAS ONE OF MY WORSE DAYS FOR BADMINTON!! DUN ASK WHY!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-11-13T05:58:00.000-08:00

haha since it is requested of mr ian. i shall do this quiz:)

1. When was the last time you felt grateful with what you have?
Today:) we should make it an attempt to thank God everyday:)

2. What disappoints you the most?
Myself. most of the time.

3. Where will you go if someone sponsors you a tour ticket?
Europe? actually i dunno. hmmm... yes i noe a AROUND THE WORLD TICKET!!!

4. What's your favorite thing to do?
Dance. Sing. Go crazy with my church friends!!

5. Do you think money can buy happiness?
Nope. money cant get u to heaven but it can sure make ur life a little better erm a luxury?

6. If you can have one dream to come true, what would it be?
LOTS. cant think of one now. hmmm. got one. opps forgot! haha ps.

7. What is one nightmare that you won't want to see come true?
God forsaking n abandoning me. which wont be true. obviously.
the world forsaking and abandoning me.

8. What are you afraid to lose the most?
My friends. Yeah they're really important to me. (:

9. If you win $1 million what would you do?
hmm... firstly put enough money in the bank so that i can go to harvard or oxford to study law. hahaha
secondly, treating my family and friends to gifts, treats.
thirdly, using the money to send myself to china to do mission work
Fourthly.... haha i dunno. save in a bank later than think

10. What do you dream about doing in the future?
Working and serving in God's house.
wad i really want to do is to impact the lives of people. like social work etc.

11. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
hmmm... since sarah said becky, i shall talk abt someone else... hmmm... Sarah
1. A very very very good friend and listener
2. She can dance well and play the piano well
3. She has alot of compassion and love for children.
* one special one for becky though
1. She is a very good observer and my best friend!!

12. What makes you happy?
hmmm... talking to God, dancing, talking and crazing with friends

13. Is it easier to talk face-to-face or by MSN/SMS?
NONE!! haha no la msn/sms

14. Where do you see yourself 10 years down the road?
Studying i guess. i will only be in my early twenties

15. If you could have a superpower, what would it be?
Hmm... loving everyone n being able to understand any person

16. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Father in heaven, how we love u, we lift ur name in all the earth haha familiar

17. Any childhood memories you would like to re-lieve?
hmmm... too many but of cos. especially those with beck, vick, sarah and sam ho.

18. If you could change your life now, what would you want to change?
A LIFE TRANSFORMATION. change all my faults in character and all that. haha

19. Which cartoon character do you like the most?
erm... i dun watch cartoon. but i think spongebob?

20. Do you think you're pretty/handsome?
Not exactly? wad a question haha.

Instructions : Remove one question from above, and add in one of your personal question, making it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them that he/she in their tagbox that they've been tagged.
DONE!!!
have a blessed hol!

2008-11-09T00:23:00.000-08:00

Hey people.
i have been reflecting (like always)...
all this time i have alot of problems. giving to myself and my friends. until now still
but i have learned to take it one at a time. not solving it but surrendering it to God. i cannot exactly say that i am happy but i dun want to be so cropped up in my problems anymore. just telling it to someone and all that. and emphasizing how serious my problems are. face reality. all problems are bad. everyone has problems. i kept on saying no one will understand me. but in actual fact. n one will ever understand each other becos we aint them. only god can. i realised i have been so cropped up in my problems that i forgot abt others. what happen to my spirit of spreading the gospel? what happened to my hyper activeness? what happened to the old me? what happen to the great love i had for my friends? i noe it is kinda gone, becos of betrayal, disappointment and all those stuff. but yeah what happened?
I AM GONNA MAKE IT EFFORT TO SPEND TIME WITH MY SFH GROUP PEOPLE. INDIVIDUALLY!!
today after church, i just realised how much i just love the children. their smiles just make my day. i was regretful of just saying that i cannot bond with the kids becos they dun rely on me.(in the past) i realised that i need to make the effort on my own. As counselors/helpers, i felt that our duty is not to just purely teach christian values, but to have bonds with children. that compassion and love for them. to understand them individually as they are all different. many of them have their own family backgrounds. and suddenly today i just had the urge of finding out more of them. they are not just cute, they are humans as well. to how naughty to how well behaved they are. they are still God's children and he loves them all. i found this on my wall
One hundred years from now... it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house i lived in, or the kind of car i drove, but the world may be different becos i was important in the life of a child. yups.
Anyway sfh! wanna go out n watch a movie on wed? hsm 3 i suppose haha. LOVE YA BYES!!

2008-11-03T05:43:00.000-08:00

hey people. yesterday was fun and weird. it was good actually. Sundays usually means being myself and loving myself. monday goes back to the same thing. i was really frustrated at myself. i cant seem to play well. and i feel very out of the team, just like i feel out of my class. coming to think of it. i think everything will start again next year. HAVE FAITH KARYNE! things can change. they will right? i need to be convinced. i already feel fearful. today was just pretty horrible. i dislike myself. why cant i play well? i am obviously not liked. but its ok. i have got God. they wont listen to me. wad a lousy leader am i. i dun even have the ability to influence others. I wanna help others, but if i cant help myself how do i?
Lord just help me... i am sad... recently i always sad. everyone says i am emo. maybe i overeact, maybe i dun. buts its me i guess. someone difficult to accept.

2008-10-24T06:09:00.000-07:00

i feel so suffocated. why isnt there anyone that God can give to me that will just fully understand n just listen to me? WHY?? friends like _ _ _, _ _ _ _, _ _ _ _, _ _ _ _ _, _ _ _ _ they just dun listen to wad i am going through. i cant tell them to my parents. instead of listening, they lecture me. they twist facts and how do u expect me to believe them? HOW? i dunno why i feel so much. i have learn to master the art of just keeping my mouth shut and not telling anyone anything. it is very difficult. i need to say so much. but i cant. i used to be able to type my feelings on this blog. but it seems as though i cant anymore. i am scared to post anything. i am afraid i will offend someone. I feel as though someone took away my freedom of speech. in front of everyone i have to appear as though everything is alright. but nth is right! GOD HELP ME!! i just wanna go to the beach and run away from everything. i wanna have that encounter with u again Lord. i feel like a non-christian. going to _ _ _ _ makes me seem as though i am going back to sch. I dun like it. not at all.

2008-10-23T07:18:00.000-07:00

hey everybody...
today was last day of school. i dunno. i wasnt very say very happy or upset. neither will i really miss my class. but i will miss rachelle. i miss ur horniness, ur funness etc. me and ruth didnt get a chance to pray for u after school. sry but we will. hahaha erm yeah during training, i sprained my back again. it hurts. yet the people in my family dun really care. i noe i injure myself alot. but it was really pain and i needed someone to help me, but no one did.
someone picked on me. i noe she was more talented and all. she always say that i like to have better status and want to be the best all the time. but aint she the same? aint all of us the same? we all want to feel good abt ourselves dun we? how do we know whether her sry was true.
after these few days, i was thinking. really who would fully understand me? no one. really there was not really anyone i could. someone who i tot could be trusted would always disappoint me. why? i guess i take comfort in the fact that god can be trusted. but i have to understand that everybody makes mistakes, further more i am not perfect either, so i guess it is tolerable. i have to learn to forgive and forget. while walking up the stairs. i was seeing how many things have changed. this year is the worse yet most experiencing year of my life. i will nv forget this year. so many people have changed. me too. i just yearn for the approval of so many people that i dun like it. my friends are no longer the same. someone who could listen to me and just advice me. practically just shuts her ear off me. i listen to her. why doesnt she listen to me rumble? fine, who wants to listen to anyone rumble. but i need to get it off my chest. i feel alot. but i dun repeat them to alot of people. i tell different people different parts. depending whether i can trust them on this particular subject. coming to think abt it. earlier this year, i always gave people the benefit of doubt. but now things change. will it be the same next year? i hope not...

LORD thank u for bring me through the year. amen.

2008-10-17T05:20:00.000-07:00

I just got back my results. i dunno how to explain the disappointment, anger and depression i feel. After i got back my results i felt as though my future was gone. everything was bleak. I threw my paper on the floor and cuddled up. i didnt feel much comfort from the fact that the sec 2s just didnt want to corporate with us. no matter how many times the prefects tried, the students did not care. we shouted, we talked nicely, we patrolled, we tried to be friends, but they laugh at us, curse us aloud, called us bitches, shouted at us, and they hated us. Did we become prefects just to be hated? i mean there are prefects who are well liked, but i have no say on the discipline they instill on themselves and others. We are not even respected, are we? the school says they want change but how can change be brought about? We want to do a part for the school, to lead, to serve(mostly), but how? initiative is wad they say. i do it, fine, its not abt me. some prefects arent doing it, fine. but dun generalize! i am doing my best to meet up the standard of the board, my teachers, my parents, my friends. But can i really keep up? Maybe not... but i am trying with God strength everyday; i am like going into a battlefield. i am tired but i cant quit. sometimes i just ask myself, why do i stay in st margs? why am i still in the board? Prefects are easily blamed for things whether a not it is their fault, we are not praised when we do correct things but r scolded severely. i noe we cant expect to be praised all the time or even sparingly, becos we are not doing things for our glory. but everyone needs some encouragement dun they?
Then during training, my mood was down. i couldnt hold my head up. i hated myself. i couldnt do anything right. i am an ultimate failure. seeing my friends enjoying this sport and doing well, i couldnt help but feel left out and jealous. I sat alone by myself, analyzing the players as wad my coach asked my to do. it made me feel worse. i saw their smiles, i saw their energy, i saw that passion, their results, and ask myself, why am i so lousy today? my partner really stood by me the whole time. she lent me her ear and shoulder. thanks amelia. My coach kept telling me all my mistakes. everything came as though someone dropped a mountain of rocks onto me. more like pinpointing...
Now at home, i have nagging from my mum, my sis, my aunt and my grandma. i really cant take it anymore. i want to go to heaven. pls lord! i want to run away from everything. I wanna jump down, but then i wont go to heaven then. Someone take a knife and pierce it through my heart.
Lord help!!!!!

2008-10-13T05:22:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, sry i havent been posting for very long.
I just realise that i only post whenever i feel upset or when i am very emotional. its difficult to post abt good days. i dunno. BUT I AM NOT EMO!! haha wait maybe i am. So its really like a personal diary shown for everyone. anyway yeah today i had a bad day.
I guess i was trying to please everyone too much that i made everybody more upset.
i want to be . but i have to keep worrying if my group of friends dun like it. or whether they are with my for it. WHY DO I HAVE TO TRY SO HARD!!
why do i bother hanging out with them. Do i really fit in the prefectorial board? I dunno... i really have to change myself for the better. i have to admit that i do have alot of faults. ALOT of them. and when someone says karyne u do gotta change, i cant really take the blow. but i know its good for me.
haiz... I WANNA CHANGE SCH!! i know lord u have plans for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me. lord help me believe that in jesus name amen.

2008-09-06T08:48:00.000-07:00

hey peeps... sry for not updating for such a long time...
erm yeah quite alot of things have happened
things revolve so fast that i can hardly grasp a hold of it.
yeah emo me. i dunno why i find it so difficult to love myself... i just feel like a horrible person all the time. like in church. like coming into my goodfriend's relationship and all that. i am very conscious of how people view me. i tot things were improving, but i dunno i am still like that. my aunt said i am the kind that wants everyone to like, but i have to face reality. that is impossible...
i am going to face this with god, i am not alone. i really love the people in LSBC!! but just that some of our views just dun click. so it leads to misunderstandings and quarrels. well, there some problems in the cell. alot of us are leaving. its really sad to see the cell so dead and meaningless at times. i mean the worship leaders are getting better but cell doesnt seem like cell anymore... should i stay? should i go? i dunno. just waiting for the lord to give me an ans. Sch is starting on mon, wad a dread. going back to the sch which i still find difficulty to fit in or being myself. i thank god for improving all my situations. and i also pray that he will really take control of every aspect of my life. and bless me with good results. being able to stay in top ten and get into a good class. Expectations... expectations... i am tired... i wanna a break from this is busy and heartless world, i wanna just go somewhere by the lake or something to dance and sing my heart out. to cry until there are no more tears. but i gotta face reality. the cold reality...

2008-08-08T00:11:00.000-07:00

Hey its national day celebration... and a reflective day for me...
last two days i was really deep in tot. i mean i heard some comments here and there, it kinda really hit me of how much i changed...
after " " moment, i dunno why i did care alot of wad other people cared abt me
whether they liked me, wad i did wrong etc. that includes both gender... living to people's expectation. i think i have been a bad prefect, not strict enough and not caring and compassionate enough. When people said i act guai... i tot what have i been after duty then? A christian, or not one? coming to think of it, it is real difficult to maintain ur real self in sch. in school, i just dun like myself at all. i just wanna go back to the pure me. not lusting for more power or just trying to please others. now i have to think wad am i doing wrong... actually almost everything?
but i noe god will bring me through it all...
Lord, i dun wanna be so sarcastic and just trying to fit in. i wanna stand out...
I am confused but i dun wanna think...
wad shall i do God? help me...

2008-07-29T04:51:00.000-07:00

HEYS!
life is getting better in St margs. i dun have as much dread coming to school anymore. although my results still disappoint me, i can feel that the lord is with me. This week of 40 day fast, as not so much of just hunger, but i am starting to enjoy the fast. especially during the time i spend with God. i felt so peaceful and calm until my friends started walking by la. but its ok, i still love the 2E3 people. haha. pls pray for my results and pray for the motivation to work harder. i will try to keep all of ur in my prayers as well.
erm i composed a song.... but i dun exactly noe the tune. i just felt my hand moving and Bang there it goes! haha here it goes...

Lord, i am tuning into your word
i pray, i read and go to church
but why lord am i still feeling so empty

Lord you fill me, embrace me
My soul is longing for you
i love you lord, you're all i need
your my comforter, prince of peace
Everything to me.

CHORUS
Its all about you, and nothing abt me
Lord i pray you take my life
and use it for your works
Sanctify me, Lord
you hold me deeper
At your throne, i will lay down.

2008-07-27T21:04:00.000-07:00

Heys people. i noe my blog kinda dead. hahah anyway i am posting in the com lab at 12.05pm. siting all alone... i dunno why i feel so frustrated and kinda depressed. i am not doing well for any of my tests. NOT ANY!!! i cant live out to my parents expectation, the prefectorial's, badminton, teachers. I CANT DO IT!!! i cant live out expectations of myself! My parents are disappointed, so am i. TOday i asked God. WHY?? i did studied. why do i still get lower than students that dun even bother to study at all. then God spoke to me. "are u sure it was enough? Karyne, i promised you to help you through your problems if you just give me your hand. Turst me..." I immediately started crying. ALthough i am still disappointed, i find comfort in that.
Now, sitting alone in the noisy class, where all the buzz and buff happens. i find myself detached from this place. The school that i once loved dearly, now only wishing to get out of this school to start a new life. to be able to be who i am... who i really am... Things should be getting better as i continue to cry out to the lord.
Today, i am gonna talk to my coach abt stepping down.
PRIYA ROCKS! (requested lor, acutally fake one) haha jk jk
hahah random! bleh her!!
anyway back to be emo. yeah my parents think i cant cope with all the commitments in the school. i am really reluctant to let go. but... haiz...

2008-07-22T05:04:00.000-07:00

Heys people sry for not posting earlier hee:)
Anyway summary of wad happened... Well things are not going well these days. my good friend is ignoring me... i am really conscious of wad others think of me.i am scared to lose these "friends". i try to please others but i make them more angry. i want to be myself... but who is myself? i really under a great pressure. mostly by my parents? i dun seem to be doing well for any of my subjects... I AM STUDYING!!! others dun even need to study n they score much higher than me. WHERE IS THE JUSTICE!! but i guess God is telling me to continue to trust in him and he will take my hand, helping me step by step. I WANT TO INFLUENCE OTHERS! NOT THEY INFLUENCING ME!! today during eng when the teacher asked me to say good stuff abt the sch, i felt really guilty. the school was one that i really loved last year. but why do i dislike it now? i really want to start caring for the people not just in Singapore but overseas. but to do that i guess i have to step out of my comfort zone, deny myself and take up the cross and follow him. i have to stop being self-conscious and stop saying the word "I". Start saying the word "they"/"them"/"their"/etc. GOD HELP ME!!!! I WANT THE ME IN CHURCH TO BE IN SCHOOL!!! I WANNA SPREAD THE GOSPEL TO THE WORLD!!! I NEED TO STEP OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE!!! I CANNOT THINK SO MUCH OF MYSELF!!!
Love,
Karyne

Figuring out the lyrics to the song.....

Finding out whose patience is the longest...

Finding out my love....

2008-07-07T04:08:00.000-07:00

i am feeling damn bad la seriously...
I mean i really dun think that the people had fun today. i mean why did they have to come down all the way to queensway? i mean they could have gone somewhere nearer for them. cine? i dun noe. i feel like a super bad host. I dun even supply food or a good movie. i was kinda shock when they wanted to come to my house...
Haha i wanna forget abt it. when mum comes home i surely kanna punished...
i am sry that it wasnt fun... James is right... i should limit my sorries so i do less wrong stuff...
but i am still sry. i hope ur will have a better time next time at other people's house... Erm but can ur still make it to my birthday??
it kinda from the afternoon. where suggestion 1: Ice skating. 2:go to orchard and bless the people with prayer etc. 3: your choose... Evening... to COOS... and to my house. my mum is cooking... i hope ur dun mind and then cut cake and the guys can go home. unless its too late then thats another thing. the girls will sleepover. haha but if ur dun wan then its ok. i will just go out with my sch friend... but anyway still long way but its the 23rd august... So heehee... i still hope ur can come...

i think i noe who i like... Maybe not... now more confusion... Wad do i do?

2008-07-02T04:55:00.000-07:00

hey people can ur just stop being pissed at our parents?? they have reasons for doing thing.
i noe they are strict sometimes overboard but i understand what they are doing.
my schedule is seriously overboard. wanna see?

Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday
Badminton training from 3.30- 6pm	Project work from 2-3pm	Badminton from 3-5.30/6pm	Higher Chinese lessons from 2.30-4pm	Badminton training from 3.30-5.30/6pm	Badminton from 8-10am
Eng tuition from 7.15-8.45		Science tuition from 5.30-7.30pm	Chinese tuition from 7-9pm	(Trying to fit in math lesson)	Church from 4-8pm

Most of the time i barely have time for myself. so when my mum explains to me the stress she is going through and why she doesnt allow me, i dun really argue to go. i really want to go with u people. still praying whether i can go with ur. But if my mum really doesnt allow, i hope ur would understand. Most of the time when i come back from training, usually me and vicky are very tired. and we dun wanna lag behind the class. i mean not that ur dun want la or ur dun have that much on ur schedule but pls? dun say that of our parents can? Vicky and i really dun like it. u also have to understand that a girl's parent are also more paranoid and concerned as we are more vulnerable.i guess... in a way. yeah so we ask for ur understanding. seriously...

2008-06-30T06:10:00.000-07:00

heys! Today wasnt so good...
i dunno i may have made more people dislike me and also more people to like me but am i myself? why cant i be that person in church. thats really my true self. i miss who i am in Sch... but that loneliness is much better already. i am fighting the spirit of rejection on my own. now i need to re surrender it to God. Being in St margs is really difficult. The st margs student (expectation of a teacher) is very different from a typical st margs student. Peer pressure is very high, that flow, that character. sometimes it is really difficult to fit in. but also becos i dun want to follow that flow... it is difficult to even survive in st margs these days. sometimes i just wanna transfer sch to maybe farfield etc. i dunno... haiz. i wanna be that history maker but wads stopping me?TMR i am starting to fast for 40 day fast. God help me persevere!!! i shall not be proud but discreet... I will have this totally awesome time with God. and i hope he will tell me some things in this period... haha
anyway one good thing happen today, the 3 of us are getting closer!! YEAH!!!
thank god for that.
Now i gotta study haha bb!
Love karyne!!

2008-06-22T01:31:00.000-07:00

Hey people!
School is starting tmr! and i am totally dreading it... bleh.
i am going to miss the gang alot alot.
But i noe God is going to start working with me once i get back in sch. i really cant wait to tell others abt God.
the truth hurts but can we say it politely?
and people, its not that the girls keep quiet and we dun want to say anything. its just that we are stomaching it down so as to not start a fight. there are things that we want to say. but will ur listen?
anyway it has been solved for we have forgiven each other. Yup!
So people pray for me!
SCHOOL STARTS IN 13 hours time!! no!!!

2008-06-19T07:12:00.000-07:00

40 secrets about myself.

1. Who was your last text from?
Kenneth/James? i dunno which came first... hee :)

2. Where was your default picture taken?
hmm in the toliet!! HEEHEE everybody! imagine!!

3. What's your middle name?
Crazy!

4. Your favourite cartoon character?
hmm... superman with his undies outside!!! ER maybe spongebob?

5. Does your crush like you back?
Hmm... if i am telepathic, i will noe. so am i?

6. What is your current mood?
A little high.

7. What's your mum's name?
Denise

8. What colour shirt are you wearing?
Hmm... i am not exactly wearing a shirt... (dun think sick man!) i am wearing pajamas that has little teddy bears on it!!

9. Are you/ have you ever been in love?
Maybe... What's the definition of love?

10. If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
Hmm... not exactly... wait of cos! all my embarrassing moments especially in front of guys. YUCKS! other than that i want to look forward and continue to change for the better. :)

11. Have a crazy side?
I think so... haha of cos la! when i see reuben's face i burst out into laughter.

12. Ever had a near death experience?
yea, almost being knocked down by cars.

13. Something you do a lot?
Eat, sleep, talk(alot), pray and think of my friends!!

14. Angry at anyone?
Now? abit... (shhh.... private and confidential)

15. Who can you tell anything to?
Yup, shi ying, becky, my BFFs

16. Name someone with the same birthday as you.
Ying Ying!! my fav twin!!

17. When was the last time you cried?
hmm... yesterday? (shh... dun ask why)

18. Who would you do anything for?
GOD!!!

19. If you could have one superpower what would it be?
casting out demon and spirits.

20. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
er... appearance?

21. What do you usually order from starbucks?
hmm... their chair!!! heehee

22. What's your biggest secret?
Read the question again. and ask urself what is a secret?

23. Favourite colour?
hmm alot of colours. most baby colours. blue, purple, brown, orange, green

24. Favourite tv show?
Hmmm...haha I have none coz I love them all!

25. Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
Duh, theres a kid in me, there's a kid that in you. all the times we had together, fun that will last forever, just you, just me so that we can be free...

26. What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
Yup! AIR!! its soooooooooooooooooooooo tasty

27. Do you speak any other language?
Yup chinese?

28. What's your favourite smell?
the PE store room!!

29. Describe your life in one word, what would it be?
huh? one word ah... er... special!!

30. Who is the last person you had a fight with?
my sis?

31. What's your eye colour?
brownish-blackish

32. What are you thinking about right now?
erm the question??

33. What should you be doing?
i should start revision for sch

34. Who was the last person that made you upset/angry?
Haha, my family and maybe him

35. What are you listening to?
Ever ever after!!!

36. Do you like forking in the yard?
HUH? wads a yard?

37. If you could have any last name in the world, what would it be?
Joy

38. At what age are you going to get married?
Around 26 to 28?

39. What is your natural hair colour?
Brown-black

40. Who was the last person to make you cry?
myself

Heehee i finshed!! I feel so proud of my accomplishment!! heehee

2008-06-17T19:30:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! i just came back from my hols!
Hee hee! i really enjoyed church camp. its usually the highlights of the year.
But now church camp is only gonna occur once in 2 years! Everybody say "BOOOOOOOOOOO....."
so sad... well anyway lets talk abt the camp. hmmm... i arrived in KL on a tue at around 5? then went to the hotel, meet the gang... blah blah... then went shopping... then in the night i slept over with sarah and bird. it was super fulfilling. we talked abt ourselves, wad happening in our life. and i gotta say i am very proud of bird. she really inspired me to change. i really love her man. anyway the day when the camp starts. woah boy girl clash. but its ok now. we have settled our misunderstanding. the next few days was really good. I mean truthfully, the sermons were dry. it was no surprising when some of us walked out. but anyway, we had alot of fun. i shant talk abt the wrong doings of becky, vicky, sarah and of cos me. but i am really sry... oh wait we are really very sry. we wont do it again. but it is true, unity does not mean that the boys and girls have to go out together all the time. nest, it is HOLY SPIRIT NIGHT!! this shall be a detailed report. ok we were going through the tunnel of fire. and sp was annointing us with oil. he touch my fore head and said: " Jayne, u are an annointed women of god. u are going to break bondages in the future. Go with God!" i was like i am Karyne!! i believe wad he said was for me la but he called me jayne. super funny. Do i really look like my sis? anyway i didnt really feel much. then we started praying for different people, zephan, james, Joshua Kwa, lim too, Noah etc. Casting out spirits. it was scary really. people screaming, coughing, etc. then Reuben came up to me and said can i pray for u? i said ok. then he started saying, Karyne, i feel ur lack of faith that u think that when u go back to sch, everything is going to be bad again. i burst out crying. then he said spirit of rejection, depression come out. i was screaming by then. i really felt my whole body shaken, numbed. that feeling was really from god. i started coughing and coughing then sudddenly joy who was beside me started screaming and crying. by then, aunty patsi was praying for peace over me, i really felt the lord that night and i also realised how little faith i had in God. i have so much more to grow in him. i have this boost to really tell the world abt God. i love God so much.
well now for my langkawi trip. it was good but yeah its causing me to be sick. i received so many sand fly bites, it is seriously itchy, then i still have after effect of motion sickness. my body is still moving up and down from the currents and i have a pounding headache. pls pray for me.
Thks
Karyne
God bless to all!!

Hi

2008-06-06T05:34:00.000-07:00

i have decided to post another post. Dunno why? i am hyperposting today... haha
time does heal, and i am still slowly being healed in the process. Alot of people think i have many bad points. i do think so too. But to those out there who thinks badly of themselves, let me ask u a few questions.
What right do u have not to like urself? Did u create urself? i dun think so. We are all children of God and he loves us all equally. Whether we are big, small, ugly, pretty, tall or short. God still love us the same and thats all it matters. everyone has bad points becos simply we are human. Whether anot we are more sinless than our friends. we are still sinners. But why does our lord jesus christ still love us and even died on the cross? ask me? i dunno. but indeed he is merciful. Forgive urself and start living a life of God:)
For me, i noe i am not there yet and i have tons of problems that i have to due with. I shall name out all my bad points:
-proud (i mean it is true. it is natural for everyone to want to think highly of themselves. to impress others but sometimes it gets overboard. this is something i am trying to change)
-bossy (my mum used to say, look at that bossy girl. i wonder who did she inherit it from. haha haha laugh laugh... duh its her! haha my aunt says its born in my blood but i can change if i want to, so this is another one i am trying to change.)
-insensitive to other people's feelings yet sensitive to my own (this is something that i think is getting better. i would try to be as polite and the best way to change this problem is to keep my comments to myself. Abt being sensitive? i was once really sensitive. After every word or gesture someone did, i would be like, do they like me? what do they think of me? but now its getting better. someone told me why do u care so much abt wad others criticize u abt? u live for God and not for men so why do their comments affect u so much? as long as u believe who u are and take their criticism as feedback, everything would be fine. i was like oh ya)
-Loud (haha i am loud, but i guess its kinda in the family. my sis is really loud and so is my mother)
-addicted to TV and videos
-disorganized at times?
-talkative (i love to talk!!)
I guess and many more...

Over this period, yeah i have received alot of criticism and insults and i learn to live with it. I mean its not that i am thick skin or something but yeah... also, i have to say, it is difficult to trust anyone in the sch, i mean there are true friends but majority not. but still i want to make memories out of my 4 years in st margs.

God i am inadequate w/o u. help me lord! I love u...

Hey

2008-06-06T05:16:00.000-07:00

Hey people! i am sry i could not update frequently but i will try my best for twice a month? haha
yeah tell abt my self... i had a badminton camp the last 2 days, it was pretty ok... i guess... i hoped my juniors enjoyed it. i mean i found myself not contributing much to the camp. I kinda guilty to my captains. sry...
But anyway moving on...
There is a girl that i have encountered and am still encountering. I have alot of problems with her. so does she. Since young i knew her and i always ask God why did u put her into my life. This year she was the source of my emotional breakdown. Why i dislike myself so much. Why am i so unpopular in class. I hear of the gossips she spreads, and i am hurt. but i soon found myself talking behind her back too. then i asked myself, aint i stooping low to her level too? I always found myself telling others abt her, how bad she is and i always the victim. Even though she was so popular in class, i could feel that she was lonely. sometimes i did sympathise with her so i decided, just give in. Well for one am lonely too, n i can understand wad she is feeling but we just dun come to terms in different things. From young,we did not have a good relationship, squabbling and fighting every now and then. But i have come to terms with this problem. I want to forgive and forget this person. Although she had inflicted alot of pain in my life, i realised God put her in my life for a reason. I may not know the reason but i would like to thank her. She made me learn alot more abt myself. I also want to say i am sry if i had inflicted pain of her. My sister used to ask me. why are u scared of her? i said defensively," No i am definitely not!" but actually in my heart i was scared of her. Why? i really dunno. but i have decided to put a stop to this burdensome problem. and i too want to forgive myself and i am going to make attempts as to not gossip abt her. i want to maintain a good relationship with her even though we have very different aspects of thinking. God help me... I wanna be more like u. loving ur enemies with all ur heart and soul. I want to do that too...

Hey people sry for the long wait!

2008-05-21T08:02:00.000-07:00

Hey people sry for the long wait! Over these past few months I have been going through some tough times and test which makes me have not much time nor energy to even check my blog. But it hit me when someone said “why have a blog when u dun blog?” Therefore I decided to post to make up for the times I did not post. Anyways, the best is always saved for the last! So here it goes… I will write in terms of that period. This is the general one, specific ones will come later…

Things these days have been so hectic for me, that I cannot seem to handle the ways things are on my own anymore. Over the past few months I felt that the lord was testing me. I faced through many hard times and I still am. But over these problems, I learned a lot more about myself; my character, my friends and my walk with God.

In the past, I was this high esteem, proud, sometimes over confident girl. I was surrounded by friends, buzzing around me. A lot of people accepted me, but of cos there were people who hated me. However at that time, being so popular, I did not really care. When I walked down the staircase, I remembered the no. of waves that flashed in my face. I really miss the days. My primary school life was so colourful, full of wonderful friends like TSY and wei en to love and support me. But now that I stepped into Sec sch everything changes. Not only academically, but in environment too. I love the school for its culture, its Godly culture. We have wonderful teachers and girls. But not all… The friends that I newly made were all different. In sec 2, I changed a lot after I took on a two larger responsibilities. I had more passion for God, more zest for life however this was the time when I really find out who I am.

Through the many criticism my friends made of me, I really realised that I am very imperfect. I am many flaws that my friends detect of me. I mean the people in my class did not give me a good time. I mean I can understand. Some people just cant stand me and nobody likes other people to tell them wad to do. But I still cannot help it but get really affected. I am the type of person that is insensitive to other people’s feelings and yet very sensitive to my own feelings. Right now I am very confused of who I really am. I went through a period where I disliked myself a lot. I have so many flaws; proud, bossy, talkative, and blah blah blah. There’s a long list. I really have difficulty trying to be more like god. I feel very very lonely. Sometimes I would ask god, “God! Where are u in my dark moments!” sometimes I forget that The lord my God will nv forsake me and he will deliver me. I want my life back…

After a long time of reflecting, I even find myself backing away from my good friends from other classes. I keep on thinking that I am not good enough to be their friends or I feel that they dun like me. I will continue to blame myself… I really thank God for TSY. She really helped me through my whole problem… she scolded me a few times to wake me up. She comforted me with her words and hugs. I really thank her for that. James, Becky and Reuben were also a great help. Thank You! I found that I am beating myself too hard. Putting too high expectations of myself and when i dun reach that goal. I blame and dislike myself. I cant help myself…

Continued…

2008-02-12T04:10:00.000-08:00

Hey... Today was an emo day. There was tournament, it turned out to be like an emotional break down. Due to my leg injury i could not play. Watching my team mates play except myself, was difficulty already and it became worse. i was the linesmen for crescent and Choon Boon's 2nd doubles. The crescent pair was my opponent. Looking at them play made me so pissed off. I was asking myself over and over again," how could have lost? There are not even good!" After the match, i went outside to cool my self down and came back. It was the deciding match for my team, third singles. Miss Shen was cheering for Jia En, " Come on Jia En! Your doing well!" Then i dunno wad happen, all of a sudden, i sniggered, "yeah.. doing well." thats when it all started. Miss shen heard me snigger and wanted to talk to me. Being the vice-captain, it was wrong for me to do that, i was suppose to built my team up and not down. i burst out into tears while talking abt the crescent's match. I couldnt control my emotions, my teacher continued to comfort me. Talking from my job as a v.capt to a prefect and to a student. She really tried in sit in my shoes and comfort me. i am very grateful. now at home, i am exhausted from everything but i will persevere. I noe god is with me...

ITS CNY!!!

2008-02-08T00:17:00.000-08:00

HELLO!! i am at vicky's house now. eating brownies and shandy!! YUM YUM!! my CNY was boring yesterday. except during my father's side visitation. Everybody all sian sian one. lou hei also like sleeping one. anyway... today was fun... except for the quarrel... anyway i wouldnt have post if not for vicky. haiz she ah... she got chocolate all over her lace! -.- keep on saying she is full then she eat so much...

Hello

2008-01-27T01:46:00.000-08:00

HELLO!! sry for not posting for a long time. I have been really busy. got lots to talk abt especially fri. in the morning, i had normal prefectorial duties, book alot of people for coming late and etc. then my principal started talking. " As u have known, the school water pipe has burst. the water supply have been cut off. so for your health sake, the sch decided to dismiss all of ur." in my head was like " dismiss to class" haiz so fast. then after that she said. " i want everyone of your to called your parents to tell them that u will be dismissed from sch at 8.30am. Then I was like. OMG!!! like i love the water pipe la. then the badminton team went to Chryssa's house. alot of bad things happen there. firstly, i sprain my neck, then calenthia's mouth rubber came off. Jia en had bad migrane, Worst of it all we had a tornament in the afternoon. Dun talk abt the tornament, it just sucked!!! ok anw i tore my muscle while playing the match. so yeah. i couldnt move. i was crying for like so long. it was very painful by the way. then the St john's people came and tried to help me up but i was screaming in pain. so they had to take a stretcher in. then all my friends were like, wah sei got boys carrying u. so fortunate. i was like so embarassed. Then i went to the hospital A&E then they said i tore my muscle and i cannot play for a week!! AHH!!!!
so sad... so sad...
Karyne

Hello!!!

2008-01-07T02:45:00.001-08:00

Hey!! today was officially my first day of sch. weird right? i had to orientate the sec ones. some of them were pretty cute yeah but some er... nvm anyway it was pretty fun. the campfire was like so cool la. but like less than 10 mins they had to put it out. sad right well anyway. i had to sing during their skit. then so embarrassing la. i was so scared that i went out of tune that i cried. weird me. anyway my teachers... they are all fine actually "FOR NOW" haha jkjk i think they should be pretty nice. yeah i got like tons of work that i have to catch up and considering that i am posting. I am nuts. so i gtg BYE!!
God bless!!
karyne

Hello

2008-01-01T00:14:00.000-08:00

Hey, remember when i said that i was going to post a long post? haha post a long post... nvm yeah just realised that my cam is spoiled so i cannot post it!! anw HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! tmr is the first day of sch. Just now i was remembering the fast day of holidays, it was like yeah! finally. then last week was like hurry i want to go to sch!! so ironic. Anw i have been reflecting on myself yesterday, and the no. 1 thing i want to change this year is to:
1: not watch so much tv!!
2: Honor my parents more
3: Be more sensitive to the people around me.
Anw everybody ready for sch tmr? haha JIA YOU!!!!
Signing off,
Karyne!!

Hey

2007-12-15T19:52:00.000-08:00

Hey, i had lots of fun on friday. I and some people called 1,2&3 went out to bugis. I and 1 meet at bugis first then we started shopping for christmas presents. It was very fun lor. we saw the 4 for 10 ear rings then all of us quickly buy. haha. Cheap people haha jkjk. then afterwards we had lunch. 1 was super funny, she bought beef noodles and then she ate all the noodles but not the beef funny right. Then 1 had to go off then 2& 3 came. we continued shopping then i went for medical check up. They followed me also la. then i keep on standing up at the wrong no. then we laugh so loud. Later it was raining, it was super funny la. 2&3 were sharing the umbrella but 3 was all wet. then my umbrella spoiled. All of us were wet. Well i was the driest la. then, we took a train to orchard to continue shopping. i tell u it is so hard to shop for guys ok!

HEYS

2007-12-08T23:53:00.000-08:00

I just came back from Arise camp yesterday. how was the camp? well i would say not so good. i only enjoyed the last day. The concert were good but not the friends. i mean sandra, evan were fine. but not the rest. i mean they were all pretty cold people. dunno why. but i want to go Rain camp... sad... sometimes i do regret but yeah i choose it and i am serving god so yeah... Anw, today there was only me and bird. it was extremely quiet and boring w/o them. i mean i miss them really lots.i wont be coming to church nest week too. I'm going off to Korea cant wait. anw this week i am super busy.SUPER! but anyway i going out on 14th so it ok... heehee cant wait!
KAryne

Today...

2007-12-03T22:10:00.000-08:00

Today have to wake up early for appointment. how i wish i will never have to go back to hospitals. the skin prick test i took was super itchy then. until now still got the spots.through the test i also found that i was allergic to kapok Seeds. Like wad is that la?? i also dunno. sad... must change my baby bolsters... haiz . Anyway i dont understand why chien hui doesnt want to record the album. I mean the 3 of us are agreeable. ok nvm i respect her decision. anyway, dont think i will have tuition later... anw i promised the badminton team to get them chocolates but i dunno which one to get. Tmr going to jurong so excited!
i gtg bb

HELLO!

2007-12-03T05:49:00.001-08:00

This blog has finally been borned with the help of VICKY TAN!!
*CLAP CLAP CLAP*
The main purpose of my blog is so that i will be able to fluently express my feelings since i dont have a diary.
3 rules for this blog.
1-no vulgarities
2-no insults/discriminations or cyber bullying allowed
3-have fun! pls feel free to comment and tag!
Yeah ok got to sign off i will try to post as much as i can.
KTJL

YO!

2007-11-30T21:31:00.002-08:00

YO!

2007-11-30T21:31:00.001-08:00

YO!

2007-11-30T21:31:00.000-08:00